Merry-go-round, never liked it - still don't.

Dear Lord: Here I am talking with you again and if you don't mind, I'm going to include our little talk in this blog. Can we please, please stop these awful things from happening in my mind and still keep the cancer from spreading? I mean, I don't think I am asking too much here. I've certainly learned a great, great appreciation for schizophrenic people, Lord, and my heart really bleeds for them. If they could only be able to have this horrible experience stop as quickly as mind did then so many lives would be better. I know, Lord, that is for you to take care of. I don't ever want to live again feeling afraid of my husband or of myself hurting my husband. I don't want to tell my son I want 11 hard boiled eggs for breakfast, I don't want to have a conversation with the person to my left but still carry on a conversation with the person who isn't even there on my right side. I don't want to manufacture my own internet movies while knitting and not even looking at the computer. I promise to be good, Lord. I will help any and all that I can. You are there, I know. ---- Okay, who would like to have the short piece of knitting I tried to do while under these circumstances - what a mess!!!!!!!!! I am so looking forward to moving to Portland no matter what the time frame. I have talked with Virg and we are so anxious to come on the 23 and stay that week. We could get so much more done that way. Now, my friend Dale will be coming out in the morning times to help me start going through things to give, save, throw. I can tell you right now that there aren't many things that I will be keeping. Hope the dumpster out front has an expando side to it :). It is a beautiful day today - Idaho can be so pretty. Dr. Pulver, today, showed me lab reports are very good (again). We are off any chemo drugs for another week and then will pick up one on 08/18. First time in my life that a doctor wants to me stop losing weight (of course losing 10 pounds in less than one week is a bit much). He actually is giving me a mild dose of a pill that will increase my appetite. HA! Virg is after me all the time to eat something. When Virg mentioned something about a feeding tube today (he was playing with me), I decided I would eat some yogurt right now! Nothing, nothing, looks, smells or appeals to me; can you believe that? Well a trip to the Portland Zoo is in the coming weeks, I can see it now - me and Ruby and any kids who may want a little ride. Hope we can all go and enjoy. Ruby said you can all have a try with her but she is mine, all mind when I need her. Love to all - See you soon. - MOM