Saturday, July 5, 2008
life and lemons
My sweet kids may remember a little plaque that Nancy Warner gave me when I became divorced. The statement on the plaque had a sayinng on it that said 'when life gives you lemons - then make lemonade. I've always like the saying and lately have been thinking of it often. A woman from the cancer site that I communicate with everyday has passed away. I have learned that she was a very well educated and traveled extensively to help nuture all living things. She never married and had no children. She was an author and wrote of her experiences. Believe me when I say she made lots of lemonade with what she was given in life. When I was diagnosed the first time with cancer, I was devestated. I had found unconditional love and knew that I was becoming emotionally stable day by day and the fears were becoming easier to deal with. Virg and I had talked about getting married but I wanted to immediately call it off upon the trials that I was now facing. BUT Virg reminded me that when we first started dating that we both felt that what you see is what you get and that I had no right to say to wait to get married thinking he wouldn't want to go ahead with our plans. It was his right .... anyway I'm kind of getting off my chain of thought here. It was the night before my surgery and I was talking with Virg's mom. I just started crying and said - "why me and why now when I am so happy". She put her arm around my shoulder and all she said was "why not you and why not now". I have beening going over happenings in my life and I am going to start a list of things I really have liked. Some will be pretty basic and the others hopefully will be understook by those close to me. I need to warn you though that this morphine stuff can make a person pretty weird. One of the side-effects is anxiety. Now, I have never had a problem with anxiety before (quit giggling). Actually, I am drowning in anxiety at this time. I think it would have been easier for me to have been given an approximate "date of expiration". See, here I go again, blabbering on. I have wanted to do some pretty "chicken" things lately and I guess the only thing I can hook it to is being a chicken; i.e, afraid of pain, afraid of not feeling Virg's hand as he takes my hand and we walk down the block; afraid of having passed on genes of bad health to my children; of forgetting to ever tell them that I love them. Through all this coming and continuing trail of whats and whens I am just plain scared. Enough blabbering for today. I have to begin to come up with a really, really, good practical joke to put over on Virg - that should take me a while. I'm fine, I really am. Virg turns another year older on 7/11 and I must say his hair has lots and lots more gray in it all of a sudden.
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4 comments:
This is a great post, and a good reminder to all of us.
Sad to hear about the lady who passed away.
Glad you are treating your pain.
Mad that I'm not there with you.
We're at Zac and Shanna's today, and I'll give you a call when we're on the road.
Thinking of you both!
Hi Sis,
I finally found your blog... and I love every single one of them you've written. It has to be very therapeutic for you to be able to put your thoughts down like this. I think it's just awesome that your kids have stepped up for you and done so much. I can only hope that mine would be so attentive and caring. You are VERY blessed!
And... Sis.... you are very, very brave. I don't know that I could be so brave if faced with all you have been through.
You say you are afraid... completely understandable. It's OK to be afraid, just don't let the fear rule your day... or your life. You have much to celebrate and many things yet to do. You have a lot of glasses of grape Kool-Aid to drink, books to read from the library, bread and butter to eat in bed, Beat the Clock to play (ironic huh?), color books to complete, and... tap dancing to do!!(shuffle one, two, three) I wish I was there to do them all with you. You were heavy on my mind on the 4th of July, remembering when we would go to the Caldwell Park and play games every year. Remember sitting on the porch in our baby doll pajamas watching fireworks? Of course you don't, you wuss. You were in the house curled up in the fetal position! Tee hee! My summers there are some of my very best memories of childhood and I have you to thank for that. Our childhoods would have been very different had we not had one another as "sisters." We learned to swim together, played Sardines and Annie Annie Over with the neighbor kids, ate chocolate ripple ice cream til we were sick and strutted around in our khaki bermuda shorts and rainbow sandals like models on the runway. We were cool then.... but not nearly as cool as we are now at 60 and sexy... and don't you forget it!! LOL.
I love you, Sissy... you are an inspiration to me. I so admire your courage and your ability to take those lemons and make lemonade. Sometimes it might seem a little sour, but when it does, just pucker up and find someone special to kiss! Muuuuwahhhhh!
Mary xoxoxo
You are such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Your strength (and concern) are heartwarming.
We are sad when we know someone that has passed away. We have memories of them to keep them close to us. But what we also need to remember is that we are surrounded by people that love us and care for us. She no doubt has you to thank for your love and support while she was here.
We are thinking of you and sending our good thoughts your way.
Happy Birthday Virg... Maybe you guys should go get big Slurpee from 7-11 hehe... Those are Shanna's favorite , She loves the cherry flavored one. I enjoy reading your posts Mom. I hope your list leads to some inspirational thoughts and feelings about you and your life ahead. I hope you both have a wonderful birthday celebration!!
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