Merry-go-round, never liked it - still don't.

Dear Lord: Here I am talking with you again and if you don't mind, I'm going to include our little talk in this blog. Can we please, please stop these awful things from happening in my mind and still keep the cancer from spreading? I mean, I don't think I am asking too much here. I've certainly learned a great, great appreciation for schizophrenic people, Lord, and my heart really bleeds for them. If they could only be able to have this horrible experience stop as quickly as mind did then so many lives would be better. I know, Lord, that is for you to take care of. I don't ever want to live again feeling afraid of my husband or of myself hurting my husband. I don't want to tell my son I want 11 hard boiled eggs for breakfast, I don't want to have a conversation with the person to my left but still carry on a conversation with the person who isn't even there on my right side. I don't want to manufacture my own internet movies while knitting and not even looking at the computer. I promise to be good, Lord. I will help any and all that I can. You are there, I know. ---- Okay, who would like to have the short piece of knitting I tried to do while under these circumstances - what a mess!!!!!!!!! I am so looking forward to moving to Portland no matter what the time frame. I have talked with Virg and we are so anxious to come on the 23 and stay that week. We could get so much more done that way. Now, my friend Dale will be coming out in the morning times to help me start going through things to give, save, throw. I can tell you right now that there aren't many things that I will be keeping. Hope the dumpster out front has an expando side to it :). It is a beautiful day today - Idaho can be so pretty. Dr. Pulver, today, showed me lab reports are very good (again). We are off any chemo drugs for another week and then will pick up one on 08/18. First time in my life that a doctor wants to me stop losing weight (of course losing 10 pounds in less than one week is a bit much). He actually is giving me a mild dose of a pill that will increase my appetite. HA! Virg is after me all the time to eat something. When Virg mentioned something about a feeding tube today (he was playing with me), I decided I would eat some yogurt right now! Nothing, nothing, looks, smells or appeals to me; can you believe that? Well a trip to the Portland Zoo is in the coming weeks, I can see it now - me and Ruby and any kids who may want a little ride. Hope we can all go and enjoy. Ruby said you can all have a try with her but she is mine, all mind when I need her. Love to all - See you soon. - MOM

Doubling up!

Saw Dr. Pulver today; I sure like him. He answers any questions I ask him. I told him we were looking to move to Portland. He said "Why do you want to live in Portland with all that rain?" He then said he lived in Salem for a while and it was very beautiful in Portland. He understands wanting to move and gives it a thumbs up. One of the doctors at the clinic used to be with Oregon Health Science Center and so when and if we are ready to make the move he will be more than happy to help us with the physician/clinic decision. He told me that I puzzle him. My pain is still so great and yet the medication is working so well. The tumor marker is down again - to 117! So, the plan of action is - we are increasing the antidepressant and doubling the pain medication. He thinks my depression, anxety, and inability to sleep are all due to my pain issues and that if we can get that under control, then we will be able to stop the depressant meds. I asked him exactly what our plan is and he said it is to keep the cancer from spreading to other parts of the body and to get rid of the cancer I do have. He feels we are doing just that because of the tumor marker results. So, onward and upward. No other news here - another beautiful summer day. I'm tired right now and can hardly keep my eyes open; no nap though or I won't go to sleep later. Ruby behaved herself this afternoon and she was quiet last night at the senior center. I love you all - MOM

Is it Saturday yet?

Thought I was only going to blog once a week (Saturday) but here I am again already. Blood draw today. Interestingly, they flush the port each time they draw blood or put in chemo (and they do it at least twice each visit. I told the nurse again today to be sure and try to leave me some of that red liquid stuff instead of taking it all; but, she didn't listen. The liquid they use to flush the port sends an instant bitter, nasty taste to your mouth and nothing seems to stop it. I thought about the couple of times I tried to wash someone's mouth out with soap and I just want to say - I'm sorry!!!! And, it is true what my dad used to say - what goes around, comes around! Walked with Ruby pulling me along - even managed to take in a little of the Canyon County Fair; couldn't have done it without her. One thing i really like about Ruby is that she forces me to stand up straight which helps my spine feel better after walking straight for a while. I wonder if I can figure out how to take Ruby to bed with me so that my spine won't hurt when I am trying to sleep?! Life is really good today and actually is everyday. Remember to take some time to be grateful in whatever way you chose. I love you all - MOM

Monday, Monday - Said the Mamas and the Papas

Well, I'm not sure if am a little out in lala land or not because I have only taken my regular dose of morphine, but I am feeling fine (except for my left foot). Guess I shouldn't complain though - I remember the movie My Left Foot and since it was a true story I think I don't have too much to complain about my left foot. Talked with Rissa on Skype this morning (just love that program!) and she shared a drawing that Sammi had made for me. It had this saying on it "Grandma, remember you have Cancer but Cancer doesn't have you! Now, I don't know if she saw this saying somewhere or read about it or if she wrote it straight from that busy brain of her's but it really made me feel good. For so many years, too many to even imagine now, I have wanted to slow down and just take some time to smell the dandelions (daisies, roses - or whatever) and now I have that time and I need to take real advantage of it. I love to remember and replay in my mind the fun, funny, and funnier times I've had in my life. I'll share a couple here: Your father and I actually had 10-speed bikes when we first lived in Vancouver. It was after Cyndi had been born. We didn't do any long rides, just mostly short neighborhood ones and I really liked riding. Now, Vancouver has some pretty scary hills and I had managed to take one or two of those. I was going down a rather small hill and panicked as there was a curve at the bottom. Well, I did the usual and forgot that there were hand brakes and not brakes with the pedals, missed the curve and ran right into a huge rosebush in a very nice yard. The owner of the rosesbush was not the least bit happy with me and told me so - over and over. After apologizing a million times, I got back on the bike and rode back home. Didn't know thorns on rose bushes could make you bleed so much. Anyway - it was funny; clutz that I am. One other thing comes to mind and that was the camping trip at Fort Stevens where your father dropped us off and went back into town to work. I don't know how I ever made it through that week - honestly! The bats at night scared me speechless. We had some fun times camping and nobody starved to death either. Well, going to go get something put together for dinner tonight so Virg can just throw it in the oven. When we move to Portland I hope our kids will promise upon losing their eyebrows that they will not make me ride a bike or sleep in a tent! But I could make them some camp food. That would be fun. Love to you all - Gramma Doodle

Don't you just love Saturday's??

Here we go again....another sunny Saturday. We got out and about using Ruby and the wheelchair. We enjoyed the time we had Gary with us. He definitely was eager to return to Texas to his wife, but we know he had a good time. He is such a good person and such a positive person to have in our lives. Last night we had dinner with some of Virg's aunts/uncles and cousins; most were from this area but we did see Aunt Deenie and Uncle Charlie from Montana. Charlie is a master wood crafter. He brought us our names scrolled in wood. Of course, Virg got two - one of Virg and the other as Virgie (she is the only person alive that can call him that... don't even try it). Also she brought me 363 Hershey hugs and kisses, one to have each day of the year because she isn't close to give me the physical kind. She is a character.

Well, we played what do we need to do to live in Portland this morning. We are going to get the ducks in a row and go - there I said it! We are going to have to determine a time line and get with it. I'll call my insurance company Monday and talk with someone who definitely knows what they are talking about. I don't understand how they could not offer the same coverage but then insurance companies usually do whatever they want to do. We are going to start cleaning out and take that part in baby steps.

Today is a good day; my foot really, really hurts if I step on it at all, so I am going to keep it up. My pain meds are doing okay - just taking the morphine timed release every twelve hours.
Seems to be a busy weekend for everyone. Keep thinking positive thoughts. I love all the kids so much. See you next week on the blog - Love, Gramma Doodle

Meet Ruby!

I am going to have to learn how to put photos on my blog. However, right at this moment I'm not able to do that so I will try to introduce you to Ruby through words. Ruby is going to be a best, best friend for the rest of my life. She will be in front of me or beside me every step I take out in the real world. She may help me to develop a new sport - mountain rolling/walking! She has all terrain "shoes" and rolls right over everything. She will provide me with a place to rest when I need it and she will always have safety at mind. Also, she will carry things for me so I can steady myself. There won't be any place I can't go now. Well, that may be a bit premature as I won't know if she likes the snow until we actually have snow, and with the 100-plus weather we have now means it will be some time before Ruby gets the chance to ski. I want to thank my kids for brining Ruby into my life; Zac, Shanna, Mary, and Deb (and others if I have missed knowning they helped). Ruby is a state of the art roller walker. She is not your average walker/roller. She has "big" wheels for going over all different kinds of surfaces, a basket UNDERNEATH the padded seat, a very nice padded back pad (I call it my roller bar), wonderful hand brakes, and a nice, wide padded seat for my big butt! :) I named her Ruby because she is metallic red and has black accessores (brakes, roller bar, basket, seat). When I was a child I always wanted a pair of red sandals but my folks never had the extra money for such a thing. Now, I have Ruby. Virg set her up and thinks she is great. She is adjustable! She is adorable; and, I am sure I will be seen walking, rolling, and maybe even running on the streets of Caldwell talking to Ruby. Thanks so much my wonderful kids. Want to go for a roll? Love MOM

A Beautiful Sunshiney Day

Wow! What a wonderful Saturday. Cyndi flew in Friday to surprise Virg for his birthday and Deb sent a card and shirt (good saying on the shirt...he loves it). Today we went to Farmer's Market in Nampa. I used the wheelchair and managed to actually wheel myself most of the time, which was a real upper for me. I ran into my cancer nurse who took time to talk with me; she said I was doing absolutely the best thing by getting out and about. We did visit the used bookstore, which always makes me happy! Then we had lunch at TGIFriday's. Pretty spicy but good and much different than normal for me. Cold Lasnage noodles over warmed breaded egg plant with fresh mozzerela cheese and tiny tomatoes with olive oil and garlic. We also shared some garlic shrimp on scewers. Gary and Cyndi contemplated trying the deep fried macaroni and cheese but decided their health came first. :) Cyndi and I had iced tea later in the day to spend some quality quiet time and vist while discussing should/should not move to Portland. The tea was cinnamon pumb and was quite good. Well, if moving is meant to be then it will be. Some good places that we could afford. I just need to listen more to my girls and not be afraid to take the plunge. I have the chance of a lifetime here - to be near the ones I love so much and have my wonderful husband support me (heck, he's ready to move tomorrow). Adventure is what he wants. Thank God he doesn't want to move to the Alaskan wilderness and dig out our own mountain home. That was a dream of someone in a past marriage - I actually feared he would up and do it. Couldn't you just seem me - barefoot, pregnant, shooting bears, and drying salmon. NOOOOOO! Life is so good; I would miss the sun but would love all the Portland has to offer. I moved back to Idaho to gain strength and be near my dad. He has been gone since 1994; my Tommy brother is gone; George is so busy with his life and famiy and we want to be near our kids. Who knows, Michele and Justin may end up in Portland. Cross your fingers, say your prayers, light your candles and help us get there if this is really to be. I love all of you. MOM

life and lemons

My sweet kids may remember a little plaque that Nancy Warner gave me when I became divorced. The statement on the plaque had a sayinng on it that said 'when life gives you lemons - then make lemonade. I've always like the saying and lately have been thinking of it often. A woman from the cancer site that I communicate with everyday has passed away. I have learned that she was a very well educated and traveled extensively to help nuture all living things. She never married and had no children. She was an author and wrote of her experiences. Believe me when I say she made lots of lemonade with what she was given in life. When I was diagnosed the first time with cancer, I was devestated. I had found unconditional love and knew that I was becoming emotionally stable day by day and the fears were becoming easier to deal with. Virg and I had talked about getting married but I wanted to immediately call it off upon the trials that I was now facing. BUT Virg reminded me that when we first started dating that we both felt that what you see is what you get and that I had no right to say to wait to get married thinking he wouldn't want to go ahead with our plans. It was his right .... anyway I'm kind of getting off my chain of thought here. It was the night before my surgery and I was talking with Virg's mom. I just started crying and said - "why me and why now when I am so happy". She put her arm around my shoulder and all she said was "why not you and why not now". I have beening going over happenings in my life and I am going to start a list of things I really have liked. Some will be pretty basic and the others hopefully will be understook by those close to me. I need to warn you though that this morphine stuff can make a person pretty weird. One of the side-effects is anxiety. Now, I have never had a problem with anxiety before (quit giggling). Actually, I am drowning in anxiety at this time. I think it would have been easier for me to have been given an approximate "date of expiration". See, here I go again, blabbering on. I have wanted to do some pretty "chicken" things lately and I guess the only thing I can hook it to is being a chicken; i.e, afraid of pain, afraid of not feeling Virg's hand as he takes my hand and we walk down the block; afraid of having passed on genes of bad health to my children; of forgetting to ever tell them that I love them. Through all this coming and continuing trail of whats and whens I am just plain scared. Enough blabbering for today. I have to begin to come up with a really, really, good practical joke to put over on Virg - that should take me a while. I'm fine, I really am. Virg turns another year older on 7/11 and I must say his hair has lots and lots more gray in it all of a sudden.

MERRY-GO-ROUND

I am glad this week is coming to an end! Tuesday I saw my onc (oncologist) who changed pain med back to the time release morphine and added the vicodin in between the time schedule for the 12 hour split on the morphine; also he wants me to get out and about to build up my strength. He gave me a prescription for a rolling walker. I found a heavy duty one at Costco on line that I will be getting; however, due to the fact that my deductible started over on 7-1-08 so I will have to wait just a little. AND waiting will be just fine. When I went to the doctor on Tuesday, I pointed out to him that my left foot was quite swollen, blue in places, and
EXTREMELY painful. He examined it quite thoroughly and said perhaps it was a side effect of the chemo oral med as, unfortunately, the drug actually does cause pain and it releaves pain (just thinking about that makes me sick); SOOOOOO, he had me stop the chemo med for a week to see if that would cut the bone, muscle and joint pain as that is a side-effect of that particuar drug. We will start another drug in one week. When I woke up on Thursday, my foot was REALLY swollen and very, very painful. I called the onc who sent me to WVMC for x-rays. It wasn't broken, there wasn't any worry about it being cancer and that it was something with the tendons called plantar e (I can't remember how to spell the second word) . He said it was imperative that I stay off my feet and use crutches at home to get around. SO, let's review the week: Tuesday, get a rolling walker and building your strength - Thursday, absolutely stay off your feet. Zippidy Do Dah, I love life. It's always worth a chuckle. Way, way hot here. I've been thinking about the 4th when I was little. The entre park was filled with service clubs selling food and playing games for which you could win little prizes; a baseball tournament all day for boys; the park full with people having picnics; a car show; and then about 7:00 people started gathering in the golf course which is right in the middle of town and has a man road going right through it. People brought food, drink, blankets, and sparklers. At about 9:45 the firework display started. Until I was about 10 or 11, I never saw the fireworks because I was afraid of the noise. There, I said it! Your mom was a fraidy cat! To this day, I kind of get nervous to watch them. Well, that's enough revealing information for now. If you have any childhood questions just let me know and I'll try to reveal more. Please picture this: a 60 yo women (overweight) with cancer in most of the bones in her body but especially in the spine trying to manuever crutches so as to keep her left foot from even touching the ground/floor. Funny, huh? Now throw in the morpine and vicodin and it gets hilarious. Should anything actually happen, I will try to keep all names confidential so as not to embarras any of you. :) Love to you all, MOM. Every day is precious - t

I'mmmmm Back!

Wow - took me long enough to figure out how to get back here! I've had some problems with depression lately but fortunately I was able to face my fears and thoughts of worthlessness and am ready to buck it up as they say. It has turned very very hot here. Thank goodness we do have an air conditioner. We are using as much power as we did last year and are trying to get it to go down a little. I'm still crocheting and reading - trying to walk some each day. Went to the Mall this morning expecting to walk and managed to walk to Joanne's Fabrcs and did a little shopping there but then had a hard time getting back to the car. Thankl goodness for Virg's help. Rode a scooter shopping the other day - noisest thing I've ever head inside a store but it did help. Yesterday I actually walked up and down pretty good sized inclines. I've decided that iced-T was developed just for me. I can remember when I was little that my mom always had a glass pitcher of iced-T in the fridge every summer and usually a tupperware pitcher of kool-aid. The 4th of July is upon us shortly. Virg delivers that day and I will be staying home to keep cool and quiet. I hope you all remember the price of freedom and be thankful in your hearts for what we do have here in this country. I know we all have varied opinions on this and that is good. I love you all - I'll write more soon.

Just musing on a Saturday morning

Well good morning all. Sunny, dry, warm, no wind - what more could I want? Well, it would be nice if y'all lived here! However, you don't.:) Up and out early to pick up some prescriptions. We went to Farmers Market but didn't find anything - so nice to be out. I sat and listened to some live music and watched people; visited with one of my coworkers there. Virg surprised me by saying he was going to pick up some cooking oil at the store and then picked up sandwiches, chips and drinks for a surprise picnic at the Caldwell park. It felt so good to just relax. Talked with Sprint today. We've been checking around and we have about the best set up with them. I am going to ask one thing of y'all. We need to keep our calls down during the daytime unless it's emergency stuff. If somehow we could all have the camera setup on our computers it would be wonderful. I love, love hearing from you anytime - I just have to watch my minutes. We didn't realize that the minutes count when you call us - okay, you can all stop laughing now - you'll get old some day and your kids will have stories to laugh about with you also. Feeling well, keeping positive. Remember to touch base with those you love. You are wonderful kids and we love you all. Who can remember what grandpa used to say he was going to do to you? (Hint - upsidedown...) Who ever e-mails me with the complete sentence will be the winner of a granny kiss from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love to you all.

We drove to Baker City Monday and spent some time visiting with Cyndi and her friend/co-worker Fran. It is always so healing to visit with my family. I had never seen the Grand Geyser Hotel before and must say it is quite nice. I wonder if my folks were ever in there....we tried to find where our old home might have been on Walnut Street. I think it might now be an empty lot. Baker City is a clean little town. We had dinner at the Geyser - so much food! It was nice to sit and visit. Virg started to not feel well on the way home and has been quite sick. He went to work this morning but did come back home. I hope in some ways I am able to help HIM for a change. He is quite the independent person when he doesn't feel well. The sun is shining this morning but it is cold out, especially for June. Hopefully Cyndi was able to get back to Pendleton last night. Imagine - snow in June. It gives me the chills to just think about it.

The big news is - my supervisor called this morning. I haven't worked since the end of February and I just now got a 48 cent raise. Guess they liked my work ethic!. I will see the result of the raise in July but that's all. (First time ever that I got a raise and didn't even work for it:)

Time to do some cleaning up - I'll run and set my timer and see if I can lengthen it out to 20 minutes but more than likely move it back to 10 minutes. In reading entries on my met 4 e-mail, I've come to realize that all combined chem0, other drugs, the tumors in general, etc., all weaken your system and there isn't a lot a person can do about that but take care of themselves. The group just took a pole on the age of members.... everywhere from late twenties to middle 70's and many, many have been dealing with stage 4 for years. I think what I need to work on most is my patience. Patience with myself mostly. I need to relax my mind as well as my body and accept each day as they say... as a gift. Have a great day and I'll write more later. Be Happy.

Saturday Wanderings

Sunshine this morning. Hooray! It is nippy out though and the wind is blowing AGAIN. We hit a couple of yard sales and picked up some new things for the kids to have when they come over. One thing is actually a Halloween costume. When I first saw it, I thought it was an alligator but it turned out to be the cutest dragon. I'm sure Payton will play it to death. But it will be a change of scenery since he always pretends to be a wolf or a tiger. We'll teach him Puff the Magic Dragon! Went to my favorite used book store this morning. I have some good books. I happened to mention that I did get three of them from Powell's. The store keeper told me that was her favorite place in the world and she did give me some good return on those books. There is a Red Hat series by Haywood Smith that I really enjoy so I got three of those books and three others and didn't spend a dime. We are really looking forward to the coming week. We will see Cyndi in Baker on Monday and then Virg's aunt and uncle will be here from Montana the rest of the week and we will seeing them quite a bit.

I feel well today but very tired. I have received notification from both State Disability and Social Security Disability. I will be talking with SS on Monday to find out for sure how to report the other Disability. It is my understanding that I will get the amount of the SSDI and then the State Disability will make up the balance of what they owe. I also understand that I do have to pay taxes on this if Virg and I make over $32,000 gross together. Well, that shouldn't be a problem. However, I have to be very vigilent about putting money aside just in case. Also, I have to pay my health insurance every month as they don't take it out of the State Disability. Right now this seems very overwhelming to me and though I try to follow everyone's edict to not worry - I still worry. We will be okay as our lives are very, very good. I will tell you that I am trying to make contact with the State regarding insurance coverage if we were to move from the State. Otherwise, we are set in stone right here until at least August of 2010. If anyone has ideas about how to manage the above (taxes and insurance), please let me know ASAP. Thanks to all for all your help and understanding. Love you - MOM

It's the pitts and it isn't cherries or apricots or peaches!

I'm sick and tired of this routine and I need to do something about it. I've tried reading, crocheting, knitting, cross stitching, watching tv (yuck). I think it is about time I got off my butt and did some house cleaning. SO, tomorrow I'm setting my stove timer for 15 minute intervals and try to get something done. Cross your fingers this works. Does anyone know for SURE that Pamela is graduating?? I got the announcement today with her picture in it. Tried calling Deb a couple of times today but she was busy as I know she would have answered me. Love to call- MOM

Beautil Morning!

Lots of sunshine this morning. All the trees have leaves now. All the feeders are being used. I bought several easy read books from the libray book sale Friday and may just take a lawn chair outside after while and read. I put dinner in crockpot - some thinly cut stead with pasta (red) sauce over it. I was going to use mushroom soup but I guess we are out. I'll make some pasta and call it Italian steak; luckily Virg will pretty much eat anything. I loved Deb's blog about Sammi - she definitely is quite the kid and will enjoy being challenged in the new school venture. Justin shared with me that Jackson was bullied the other morning at daycare - right in front of Justin. Justin handled it very well and then he said he had a hard time keeping from crying when he left the boys there. Ahhh fatherhood. Well, I think it is about time to venture outside. I love you all and plan on "dancing" through the rest of my life. See you soon.

Good News!!

I can't begin to tell all of you how greatful I am for your prayers, positive thoughts, and well wishes. My office visit with Dr. Pulver was very, very good. The blood test that revealed the cancer has dropped further; from 540 something to 270 and the tumor marker that started out at 728 is now down to 151 with a goal of getting it below 10. We have come quite a ways and we will continue, one step at a time. I did lose some more weight but not very much. They were happy because it was dropping too rapidly. He explained that the pain in my back and legs and feet is always going to be there because we found the cancer in such an advanced state but we can try our best to control it with medication. I feel very good and very positive.

Our squirrel feeder is going to have to be replenished. Once they discovered it, they really went to town. Lots of hummingbird activity today and the other birds have emptied the dish feeder. So you can see we have lots of activity out in the yard. Life is good, life is beautiful; please take time to feel the good things!

A Long Time Passed

Well hello again. Thanks to my not so nimble fingers I somehow through our ability to use the lap top way back in April. After much frustration on Justin's part as well as keeping at it, we are up and running again. I have had lots of fun watching my hummingbirds, my "bigger little birds", and will hopefully catch a glimps of the squirrel at their feeder. All of these thanks to Justin, Michelle, Jackson, Payton, Kyle, Rissa, Sammi, Simon, and Deb when they came to visit on Mother's Day. I've been feeling quite well and I think I am getting stronger now that Iam on oral chemo. Hopefully the visit to the doc this week will prove this can continue. I also got a Life is Good t-shirt and matching hat from the kids for Mother's Day and I love it. Jackson has more hair than I do and Payton tells me sometimes to put my hat back on. They are so entertaining! Well, here comes another storm with wind and probably rain. We had 60mph winds a few days ago. Don't want that again! Right now, all is well and good. Love to you all. MOM

A Long

Gorgeous Saturday Morning!

Wow! From crazy weather all week right into a beautiful, beautiful Saturday morning. Got up early to venture out to the Senior Center Spring Fling. I'm going to make a definite effort to get out and about, whether in the car or just around the home, each day. We like to support the Senior Center as it offers so much help to so many deserving people. This day will definitely be a success for the Center. We bought a "bed in a bag", brand new, for $10.00. Can't beat that. Of course I had to buy some white chocolate chip cookies too. It was great to see so many friends and lots of smiling faces. We didn't stay too long. Virg did a little shopping at our local grocery store. With the price of gas, it just doesn't pay to drive to the big box stores to save a few pennies. Our local farmers' market opens this Wednesday, which will be nice. Not too much in the way of veggies yet but they do have some organic products available and free range chicken, etc. I thought about putting up a squirrel feeder but Cyndi informed me they are varmits, so we will just watch them swing through the large trees out front; they are pretty hilarious this morning. This is a very good day for me, us. I'm feeling good, emotions are good. Please take time to love each other.

How Time Runs Right By

As many of you know, I had a nice visit in the hospital in Boise from last Thursday to this past Monday; kidneys stopped working. What a freaky experience and one I do not care to ever repeat. My family stayed by my side and tried so hard to keep me sane, which was extremely difficult (sorry family for all the drama). To my husband, Virg, thank you for saving my life and to my daughter, Cyndi, thank you for notifying Virg I was in trouble. Now, enough about that happening. Cyndi has been with us since Tuesday and claims to be leaving tomorrow - rats! - I have certainly kept her busy - She cut my hair on Wednesday - all thin, spikey, and white now but at least it may stop falling into my food -YUCK. We did it outside and tossed the hair into the wind hoping the birds can use some to fill their nests! We took a ride around around the local lake today. It was nice to get out of the house! Farmers are busy, irrigation is under way. Cyndi and Virg are harrassing me and want me to share that I actually had a drink from Sonic and only had to have two cups this time. Before I kept poking the straw right through the cup - sticky mess. Hey, at least I was strong enough to do it! Hey all, be sure to continue to visit the other blogs - Virg and I thinkn we have the most talented kids and grandkids in the world. I now know how to get into my blog easier, so I will try to keep up better. Here is to a stronger tomorrow and another beautiful day. Love to all - DG

A Beautiful Spring Saturday Morning

One more chemo down - tons more information learned. I am so very greatful for all of my children and grandchildren. You know, when we were first given this diagnosis I had just previously told myself that I wouldn't go through chemo again....and then I saw the smiling eyes of my grandchildren and knew that now was the time to face it, accept it, stare it down and go for the win. Interestingly enough, my first cancer diagnosis was given to me by a tech in radiology at WVMC - I worked with her at second job. She didn't say a word - she was showing the radiologist what she found on the ultrasound and just in turning her head away I saw the tears on her cheek. This time, my PA and a doctor I worked with at the same hospital could barely tell us. My PA and I were in school together. I had to hold them together - a cancer diagnosis is easy to miss and they had indeed missed the first film - it was caught through a routine blood test and for that I am so greatful to them. All of a sudden now this has become harder each day, and not just physically. The emotional toll is unbelieveable. I think mostly because I have worked since age 12 and now I am going to retire through work disability in order to save the cost of my insurance. Financially, we'll be fine - we love what we have been given and appreciate the guidance you have all offered. Well, it is about time for some rest (after a shower!) Please be patient with me while I am trying to become more patient with life in general. Remember that I don't like to see presents sitting around unwrapped? Well, I want the good health package open now - not months down the road - but now. I shall practice deep breathing. MEDICATION UDATE: I take sooo any meds now that I have them divided a.m. and p.m. Unfortunately I forget to take the evening ones. I have requested and received a sweet young voice from Portland to call me each and every evening to take my pills. Thanks Sammi - keep the boys all smiling in my camera - Time to rest. Love you all - mom

Here I go again-catch me if you can

Justin and Deb wanted me to be sure to say that they are my favorites! Hey! You know when all of your bodies were little we sometimes all ft into the same bed - except when one or more had 'something like candy or cookie. IT isn't pleasant to be in the middle of six children and one cookie and try to maintain one's own sanity. I have lots to write and I will write more. Need to lau bacl and relax a bit.

Just Sitting at Moxie Java

First lines to write - sitting by the fire - green ice tea in hand. Learning to use the wonderful laptop that my daughter bought for me. Amazing having adult children teach you the technical wonders of the world when just a few short years ago I was teaching them to tie their shoes and draw "curleys" - okay so it has been more than a few short years ago. Now, they are teaching me so many things. We are about to enter into a journey that none of us have ever experienced. We shall do it - one tiny step at a time. Join us - we'll talk. More later.